


In Vino Veritas

by Goose_Goddess



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 07:58:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13003299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goose_Goddess/pseuds/Goose_Goddess
Summary: Peter Parker gets drunk. From this prompt:A Little Tipsy AUCharacter A wants to figure out what kind of drunk person they are, but they’re too scared to drink alone so they invite Character B over to make sure that Character A doesn’t do anything stupid. Cue Character B drinking sodas, amused, while Character A just gets progressively more tipsy.http://auideas.tumblr.com/day/2017/12/11/





	In Vino Veritas

**Author's Note:**

> DO NOT attempt at home. That many shots that fast will do horrible things to you.

Peter dropped the controller and slumped back against the couch.

“What’s up webbed?” Deadpool asked, not taking his eyes off of the screen where he was rapidly approaching the finish line. “Can’t take losing again?”

Peter laughed. “Considering I beat you 3 times out of 4, not a concern. You just got lucky.”

Deadpool snorted. “So what’s up?”

Peter frowned. “Not really sure. I just feel…eh.”

“Eh?” Deadpool asked. “So, it’s Friday night. Go out, get drunk, dance that cute little ass off.”

Peter glared at him.

“What?” Deadpool demanded. “That’s what college kids do on Friday nights, isn’t it? Get drunk, kiss strangers, act like idiots?”

Peter sighed. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been drunk.”

“What?” Deadpool looked at him shocked. “How have you never been drunk?”

Peter shrugged. “Can’t risk it. Can’t drink as Spiderman, got a bad enough image as it is. Can’t drink in public, what if I say something and people find out who I am. And getting drunk alone is just wrong. Besides, with my metabolism, I can’t afford to drink enough to actually get drunk.”

“So you don’t drink at all?” Deadpool gasped.

Peter jabbed him in the side with his elbow. “Idiot. You know I drink, I drank a beer this evening with you while we ate pizza.”

Deadpool laughed. “I’d like to see you drunk. Find out what kind of drunk you are. Do you get angry and fighty or dance around with lampshades on your head.”

Peter frowned. “I have no idea. But…” He looked at Deadpool. “What if…”

Deadpool just looked at him.

“Okay, look. You know who I am, so I don’t have to worry about revealing my identity. And I trust you. You’ll keep me from doing anything dangerous or really stupid. And I should find out what happens if I have too much to drink. How much control I have.”

Deadpool cocked his head. Then grinned. “Sounds good to me. But if you’re tolerance is anything like mine with my healing factor, we better go straight for the hard stuff. “ He jumped up and came back with two bottles of tequila and shot glasses. “But we’re not heathens, so we’re not gonna drink right out of the bottle.” 

Deadpool poured two shots, and looked at Peter expectantly. 

Peter looked at the shot glass in front of him, then picked it up and sipped it, making a face at the taste.

Deadpool laughed. “No, like this.” He picked up his own glass and swallowed the tequila before slamming the glass back on the table.

Peter rolled his eyes, but followed his example. 

Deadpool grinned and filled Peter’s glass. “Okay, let’s go. We’ll start with 5 and see how you hold up. Four more.”

Peter slammed the next four shots and looked at Deadpool expectantly.

“Now we wait for them to hit your system.” Deadpool said. “Let’s play some Mario Kart and see how you’re doing.”

Peter shrugged. “Okay, but I feel fine.”

Deadpool laughed. “No worries. We’ll make you drink every lap until you’re not fine.”

Halfway around the track, Deadpool noticed that Peter was leaning slightly. And by the end of the lap his head was on Deadpool’s shoulder.

“Still okay there Webster?” Deadpool asked, lifting the shoulder Peter was leaning on.

“Mmhm. You’re really warm.” He rubbed his head against Deadpool’s shoulder.

“Yep. High metabolism means my body temp’s a little higher.” Deadpool said. He handed Peter another shot. “Down the hatch.”

Peter took the shot glass and sat up long enough to swallow the contents before collapsing against Deadpool again.

Three laps and three shots later and Peter had completely given up on the game. He was snuggled up against Deadpool’s side and rambling on about his favorite MarioKart tracks. 

Deadpool looked down at him in amusement. “Well, Baby Boy, it’s safe to say that you are completely drunk. And you are definitely a cuddly drunk. Even though you are absolutely adorable like this, I’m cutting you off. No point in making your hangover any worse than it needs to be.” He recapped the bottle and put it on the end table.

“Fuck that!” Peter yelled, making grabbing hands at the bottle. “I’m fine.”

Deadpool laughed. “Peter! I am appalled at your language. Apparently, the song was wrong. Tequila doesn’t make your clothes fall off but it certainly make you have a filthy mouth. I wasn’t sure you could even say that word.

Peter whimpered. “Sorry.” He turned his head into Deadpool’s shoulder. “The rooms all swimmy.”

“Yep. That’s what happens when you have too much to drink. Now, you stay right here, and I’m going to go get you some water. Then we’re tucking you in to sleep it off.” Deadpool leaned Peter against the couch and went into the kitchen.

“Kay.” Peter replied. “Just gonna close my eyes.”

Deadpool came back with two bottles of water. He opened one and held it out to Peter, but got no response. Deadpool leaned down and shook his shoulder. “Hey Webs, you need to drink this. Trust me. Tomorrow will be a lot better if we get you hydrated.”

Peter opened his eyes and looked at the bottle curiously. Then he took it and took a sip. 

“That’s good. Now drink it all.”

Peter took another swallow. Then looked at Deadpool. “Have you seen Wade? He was just here. He said he was coming back.”

“Yep. I’m right here.” Deadpool laughed. “I see we’re having trouble identifying people now.”

“I like Wade. He’s my best friend.” Peter said solemnly.

“I know he likes you too.” Deadpool said. “Now drink some more.”

Peter took a few more swigs. “I have a secret.” He said, looking at Deadpool and smiling.

“Yeah? And what secret could a cute little guy like you have?” Deadpool asked. 

“I like Wade.” Peter said solemnly. “But you can’t tell him. He’s my friend.”

“I don’t see what the problem is.” Wade laughed. “If he’s your friend, I suspect he knows you like him.”

Peter looked shifty. “No. I like like him.”

Deadpool nodded. “Okay, you like like him. Now drink some more.”

Peter obediently took another swig of the water, then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Yeah. But you can’t tell him because he’s my friend and if he knows I wanna kiss him he won’t be my friend any more. So you can’t tell him.”

Wade froze. “Okay Webs. Not a word from me.” He wasn’t sure how to react. Had Peter actually said what he thought he said? “Alright. You finish up that water now.”

Peter swallowed the rest of the water and handed the bottle back. Then he frowned. “I want Wade.”

Wade leaned down again and tugged on Peter’s arms. “Let’s get you in bed, okay?”

Peter let Wade pull him to his feet and drape an arm over Wade’s shoulders. He turned and looked at Wade’s face. “Wade! You came back.” He grinned. “I think I’m drunk.” He whispered, then grinned.

Wade grinned at him. “Yep Baby Boy, you are definitely drunk. And now it’s time to go to bed.”

Peter nodded. “Okay.” 

Wade walked him into the bedroom and tucked him into bed. He put the second bottle of water on the table along with a few pain killers. “Okay. You need to drink this and take these as soon as you wake up.” He started out the door.

Peter frowned. “You’re leaving?”

Deadpool turned and looked back. “You want me to stay?”

Peter nodded quickly, “always.”

Deadpool paused. “Okay. I’m going to sleep on the couch. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Peter smiled. “Okay.”

Deadpool turned out the light and partially closed the door, wondering how the morning was going to turn out.


End file.
